To my fine Liberal brethren everywhere:
I just had an epiphany! I have converted! Now, after all these years, I understand perfectly and I know you are all right! I surrender and have become a Liberal with all the trimmings. Now I get it why America must have a president who has had no experience or record of success to be elected, and how it is great that he received the Nobel Peace Prize without having achieved any peace or even a ceasefire (or even a promise of a ceasefire), and how it is so wonderful that now the USA has a Liberal supreme court justice with absolutely no experience as a judge! And now I would surely vote also to remove any restriction from poor, uneducated folks from calling themselves Doctor (it is their right, if that is the way they pursue happiness, as written in the Declaration), and go right in for the brain surgery department at UCLA medical center. It proves to the world that America has finally recognized that all standards are but relative and personal interpretations, and are nothing but discriminatory! America longer discriminates at all! Halleluyah.
Also, I now think that those wacko Christians that actually believe the Bible should be brought into line and margionalized from corrupting the morals of American society with their primitive delusions (they can keep practicing their dreamworld phantasies and myths in their own closets). After all, I stand with you now in creating G-d in our own image, after our own likeness and opinion and propensities! After all, who are those primitive and uneducated people like Moses and Jesus to think they have a corner on god (or gods, or goddesses)- we are actually smarter than them now. And now I understand why homosexuals must come forth from their closets everywhere, and their lifestyle should be taught and encouraged to all the little confused children in all the American schools, and their marriages forcefully celebrated in every church, and furthermore, I now see why it is important that they have the right to not only adopt children, but to have their own rdproductive rights by implant. It is their right in a free America. And now I understand (forgive me for being so slow, comrades), how dangerous it has been to post the Ten Commandments anywhere where the eye can possibly see them (and crosses too), as it is truly an offence to the majority of Americans, and a stumbling block to those whose pursuit of happiness includes adultery, blasphemy, lying, theft, direspect to parents, murder, coveting other peoples' stuff (which is of course the very foundation stone of my newly found Liberal faith), and sodomy. We wouldn't want to create such a discomfort as reminding them that those things are wrong (of course "wrong" for whoever thinks they are, as that too is as relative and subjective as fluff).
I just can't tell you all how much I appreciate all your input and your patience with me over all these long years of my darkness. How could I have been so slow and stupid to not see the light?
Your born again friend,